Gratitude and Hamburger Buns

Hi. How are you holding up? Loving quarantine or hating it? Something in between? I love listening to what unusual and surprising things people enjoy about being forced to slow down, stay home and “social distance”. One of my friends, gainfully employed and not really looking for a new job, interviewed several times for an exciting new position, and got it! She starts in June and I am so, so happy for her. It’s nice to hear about good things happening for people right now, especially because we have been so inundated with bad news these last several weeks. Within the last two weeks both of our companies underwent massive layoffs. It was an incredibly stressful time, but both of us survived those cuts and still have our jobs, which feels like a miracle right now. Last week I felt sort of paralyzed, not sure what the future would look like. Would I be home with the kids? Or would I have a job? Would I be able to find another one if I was let go? Would it even make sense to look for one? 

It feels so strange to have your whole existence in limbo. Everything from not knowing when schools will reopen to whether or not we will have jobs, things we normally take for granted - suddenly completely out of our control.  Now, thankfully, we are able to look towards the future. And even though there is still so much uncertainty, it feels amazing to be able to make decisions, like whether or not to refinance our house, or to get some help at home with the kids now that we know we will both be working (harder than ever) for the foreseeable future. 

While the stress and uncertainty of the past few months, especially the last few weeks, has been difficult, what I am feeling most is gratitude. Yes, I’m relieved that we still have jobs. And grateful. I suppose that has led me to think about how lucky we are in other ways as well. I’m grateful for a financial safety net and for family and friends that we could count on to be there for us and help us in any way possible if the worst were to happen.  I cannot imagine what the last couple of weeks would have felt like if we had no idea how we would afford food or other essentials given a different outcome, and I know so many are in that exact situation right now. My heart goes out to them. 

I’m grateful that we have four kids close in age. Even though it's chaotic over here, they entertain each other and we’ve watched them grow ever closer in the last several weeks. Witnessing all of their individual relationships with one another blossom has been priceless. They still miss their teachers and friends at school, but I know it would be much more difficult for all of us if they didn’t have each other. 

I’m grateful for these tough days to remind me of what is really important and the people who are most important.  To make me see more clearly how we are all connected and that we are never alone. I’m grateful to be forced into stepping out of my busy life and to think about the big picture. 

If I’m being honest, I know that I’m grateful because focusing on my gratitude is easier and feels so much better than being angry, sad, or fearful. If I can still connect to my gratitude then I can look forward and move forward with optimism.  In the spirit of that optimism, I’m continuing to try new things in the kitchen. Now that better weather has finally arrived, and it’s Memorial Day weekend, we are grilling! 

Dough balls. Soon to be pillows of deliciousness. I have (can you tell?) never mastered making balls of dough that are actually smooth all the way around, but who cares?

There are only a few dinners that every single person in the family really likes. One of them is burgers. So today we made burger buns from one of my all time favorite recipe sources, King Arthur Flour (recipe here).  Oh yeah, and have I mentioned that I am grateful that all the time at home allows me to make bread? I love making bread, but the time it takes to let it rise, proof and rise again never works with my schedule.  Which is super-frustrating because nothing about it  is time consuming in terms of “hands on” time, yet all of the waiting periods in between next steps make it difficult to execute when you are running between work and schools and activities constantly. Now, as long as I have ten or fifteen minutes here and there, I can bake fresh bread anytime.

Dough before second rise.

Dough after second rise, brushed with butter (and topped with everything bagel seasoning and poppy seeds.)

Out of the oven. These were still really light in color, probably because I chose to brush them with butter instead of egg wash. Next time I would probably go with egg wash. The whole wheat ones browned more in the oven.

These buns have hundreds, close to a thousand, reviews on the King Arthur Flour website.  I love reading the reviews because there are so many from bakers at all levels of experience and there are many, many useful tips and questions answered. Based on the tips in them and on King Arthur Flour’s blog, I decided to make two batches of these. One with white bread flour, whole wheat bread flour, and all purpose flour at a 1:1:1 ratio, and one with all purpose flour and white bread flour at a 2:1 ratio.  As can be expected, the whole wheat version rose less but the finished product was still light and fluffy - shockingly so for a whole wheat bun - with a little bit more flavor than the white version. The white flour version rose a lot before hitting the oven and puffed up quite a bit while baking. The result was a tender, delicious bun, and eating one warm, slathered with butter - which is what I am doing right now - has me agreeing with all of the reviewers who came before me. These are fantastic. Perfect for a burger, sandwich, or by themselves, store bought buns cannot compare. Please make these. They are so worth it. 

Happy Memorial Day! Big virtual hugs to all of our service men and women who have selflessly dedicated their lives to ensuring that we remain safe, and free. Thank you for all that you do.