Gratitude and Hamburger Buns

Hi. How are you holding up? Loving quarantine or hating it? Something in between? I love listening to what unusual and surprising things people enjoy about being forced to slow down, stay home and “social distance”. One of my friends, gainfully employed and not really looking for a new job, interviewed several times for an exciting new position, and got it! She starts in June and I am so, so happy for her. It’s nice to hear about good things happening for people right now, especially because we have been so inundated with bad news these last several weeks. Within the last two weeks both of our companies underwent massive layoffs. It was an incredibly stressful time, but both of us survived those cuts and still have our jobs, which feels like a miracle right now. Last week I felt sort of paralyzed, not sure what the future would look like. Would I be home with the kids? Or would I have a job? Would I be able to find another one if I was let go? Would it even make sense to look for one? 

It feels so strange to have your whole existence in limbo. Everything from not knowing when schools will reopen to whether or not we will have jobs, things we normally take for granted - suddenly completely out of our control.  Now, thankfully, we are able to look towards the future. And even though there is still so much uncertainty, it feels amazing to be able to make decisions, like whether or not to refinance our house, or to get some help at home with the kids now that we know we will both be working (harder than ever) for the foreseeable future. 

While the stress and uncertainty of the past few months, especially the last few weeks, has been difficult, what I am feeling most is gratitude. Yes, I’m relieved that we still have jobs. And grateful. I suppose that has led me to think about how lucky we are in other ways as well. I’m grateful for a financial safety net and for family and friends that we could count on to be there for us and help us in any way possible if the worst were to happen.  I cannot imagine what the last couple of weeks would have felt like if we had no idea how we would afford food or other essentials given a different outcome, and I know so many are in that exact situation right now. My heart goes out to them. 

I’m grateful that we have four kids close in age. Even though it's chaotic over here, they entertain each other and we’ve watched them grow ever closer in the last several weeks. Witnessing all of their individual relationships with one another blossom has been priceless. They still miss their teachers and friends at school, but I know it would be much more difficult for all of us if they didn’t have each other. 

I’m grateful for these tough days to remind me of what is really important and the people who are most important.  To make me see more clearly how we are all connected and that we are never alone. I’m grateful to be forced into stepping out of my busy life and to think about the big picture. 

If I’m being honest, I know that I’m grateful because focusing on my gratitude is easier and feels so much better than being angry, sad, or fearful. If I can still connect to my gratitude then I can look forward and move forward with optimism.  In the spirit of that optimism, I’m continuing to try new things in the kitchen. Now that better weather has finally arrived, and it’s Memorial Day weekend, we are grilling! 

Dough balls. Soon to be pillows of deliciousness. I have (can you tell?) never mastered making balls of dough that are actually smooth all the way around, but who cares?

There are only a few dinners that every single person in the family really likes. One of them is burgers. So today we made burger buns from one of my all time favorite recipe sources, King Arthur Flour (recipe here).  Oh yeah, and have I mentioned that I am grateful that all the time at home allows me to make bread? I love making bread, but the time it takes to let it rise, proof and rise again never works with my schedule.  Which is super-frustrating because nothing about it  is time consuming in terms of “hands on” time, yet all of the waiting periods in between next steps make it difficult to execute when you are running between work and schools and activities constantly. Now, as long as I have ten or fifteen minutes here and there, I can bake fresh bread anytime.

Dough before second rise.

Dough after second rise, brushed with butter (and topped with everything bagel seasoning and poppy seeds.)

Out of the oven. These were still really light in color, probably because I chose to brush them with butter instead of egg wash. Next time I would probably go with egg wash. The whole wheat ones browned more in the oven.

These buns have hundreds, close to a thousand, reviews on the King Arthur Flour website.  I love reading the reviews because there are so many from bakers at all levels of experience and there are many, many useful tips and questions answered. Based on the tips in them and on King Arthur Flour’s blog, I decided to make two batches of these. One with white bread flour, whole wheat bread flour, and all purpose flour at a 1:1:1 ratio, and one with all purpose flour and white bread flour at a 2:1 ratio.  As can be expected, the whole wheat version rose less but the finished product was still light and fluffy - shockingly so for a whole wheat bun - with a little bit more flavor than the white version. The white flour version rose a lot before hitting the oven and puffed up quite a bit while baking. The result was a tender, delicious bun, and eating one warm, slathered with butter - which is what I am doing right now - has me agreeing with all of the reviewers who came before me. These are fantastic. Perfect for a burger, sandwich, or by themselves, store bought buns cannot compare. Please make these. They are so worth it. 

Happy Memorial Day! Big virtual hugs to all of our service men and women who have selflessly dedicated their lives to ensuring that we remain safe, and free. Thank you for all that you do. 

It's a Donut Party

 Earlier this year I promised the kids that we would have all of their friends over for a donut decorating party. Things got busy and I kept postponing putting together a plan for it. Then we found ourselves quarantined. We have not had donuts for 9+ weeks.  What? Maybe it's not that crazy for some people, but under normal circumstances, we eat a lot of donuts so it’s pretty crazy for us.  When we go on vacation, we definitely hit up the local donut shop.  We have a few around the country that we make sure not to miss when we are in the area. There’s something so comforting about a freshly fried and glazed donut. Or the cinnamon and sugar ones you get at the apple orchard? Those are amazing. After 9 long weeks of donut deprivation, I finally caved and decided to make some for Paul’s birthday. Like most people, deep frying at home is not my favorite pastime.  I hate using so much oil in one go and, it just seems sort of unsafe to have a big pot of bubbling oil on the stove.  

But once in a while…even I will deep fry. And you know what? In this case, it wasn’t messy or scary at all. It was easy. Probably too easy, because now I’m thinking about fried chicken, fried pickles, and all kinds of other things I want to deep fry.  I can tell you right now, it was a LOT easier to make donuts than to make a birthday cake (and I did not endeavor to make both - #sorrynotsorry). And they were really good, despite my inexperience (if I do say so myself). Yay!!!

The birthday boy requested old fashioned donuts with maple glaze. The recipes are here and here. I made chocolate glaze too, because the kids always choose chocolate glazed, but we all liked the maple ones best. And truly, there is nothing like a super fresh donut. It was such a treat and somehow I felt less guilty eating them because they were not just donuts, but also “a project”. I love the feeling of trying something new and having it be a success, or just not a total failure. That works too. The downside of this donut success was that we were the only ones around to enjoy them. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it made me think about how much I miss gathering with family and friends, cooking for other people. 

The smell of the oil brought me straight back to my grandma’s kitchen in Japan.  And let me just say, she LOVED feeding others and NEVER shied away from frying. There are so many smells and tastes that bring her back to me.  Isn’t it amazing how smells and tastes carry with them such strong memories? How we remember exactly where we were and who we were with when we smell or taste something? There are also times when I taste something and my first thought is that my best friend or my brother or my dad would love this, and I need to remember to make it for them. That has definitely happened a few times since we’ve been quarantined. 

 So, while the kids are bummed that they didn’t get to have a donut party, they did get donuts. Finally. I wonder if the taste or smell of homemade donuts will always remind them of this crazy year when we weren’t able to go out or even have our family over for dinner like we usually do. What will they remember from this unprecedented time in history? Certainly the youngest two won’t remember a thing and maybe that’s for the best but I know that Emmett will and Isla might. I hope they remember eating donuts, having a lot of extra time with their siblings and parents and enjoying the lack of structure, even as they miss their friends, extended family and normal routines. I hope the smell of bubbling oil takes them back to somewhere they don’t mind going like it does me. 

Stay safe everyone and please continue to support your local small businesses. It means everything.

Flour Tortillas and Painted Walls

What week is this? Eight? Nine? In some ways, it feels like just yesterday that we were going to the office, school, running errands and being out in the world.  In some ways it feels like all that is in the distant past.  It’s fair to say that we are used to it now, but also missing the way things used to be. Of course we miss our friends and the family members who we are not quarantined with. We miss our babysitter who really is a part of the family and as Emmett will tell you, seeing her is the very best part of his day. We miss our teachers and co-workers and talking to people without the internet or a cellphone. It’s amazing to me how even my three-year-old now, as if instinctively, stops and waits for us to cross the street when she sees other people on the sidewalk.  In some ways it feels like we are living out scenes from a bad sci-fi movie.  These are the things I don’t like about being quarantined. But there are so many things that I’m thoroughly enjoying. Really? Really. 

Not having to get outside-world ready in the mornings or wake the kids up and make sure they are dressed and ready to go, all within the time limits set by my commuter train schedule is AWESOME. 

Having a much better idea of what the kids’ academic capabilities are and getting to watch them interact with each other throughout the day is nice - even though it makes me feel like my pre-quarantine parenting was probably inadequate.

I love that I’m more active throughout the day without the hassle of squeezing in a workout.  Yes, I’m moving more because I’m constantly cleaning, doing dishes, laundry, cooking a million meals a day and taking the kids on walks and bike rides outside in between meetings. Not all of these activities are fun, but not feeling guilty, or gross for sitting in a chair all day feels great. 

My birthday was this week and one of my best friends sent me the sweetest video of her little family singing happy birthday to me. I love that I can play it over and over again and always relive the sweet memory of them at this (crazy) moment in time.  We can’t hug our friends, but they still know EXACTLY what we need.  

Masterpiece in progress.

 I love the “mural” my kids painted on our wall in the dining area.  It bought me 30 minutes of quiet and so many little kid smiles. Eve’s face in the photo above (PRIDE!!!) says all you need to know. The downside is that she wants to paint ALL OF THE WALLS now. Per a close friend of mine, “She might get her wish depending on how long this goes on.” Totally agree. Ha. 

Creative projects have provided me with an outlet for stress. While there is not a whole lot of time for this, I have been making fabric masks with the outsized goal of eventually making enough to donate to restaurants and local businesses that remain open. I haven’t gotten very far, but turn to it when I can. 

I’ve also been able to tackle a bunch of new recipes because cooking is easier when your kitchen is always just feet away. I prep meals when I have time and then I’m able to slip them in the oven whenever. As a result, I was able to make this incredible roast chicken on a weeknight, something I wouldn’t normally be able to get away with given its 3 hours cooking time. I’ve also made a ton of bread and even got out the tortilla press over the weekend. 

“La Isla Tortilla”

For the tortillas, I used a recipe from Anson Mills and made a double batch. You can find it here. I have their special flatbread flour so I used that, but I substituted regular all purpose flour for the pastry flour in the recipe.   I’m not sure how it would work with all purpose, or other types of flour.  I think if you are careful about not using all of the water at first, just incorporating it little by little until the dough comes together, you will be fine.  Like most Anson Mills recipes, this one is very detailed and has pictures of how things look along the way which I always find very helpful.  Also, you don’t need a tortilla press, it’s easy to just roll these out with a rolling pin.

Make a bunch of little balls of dough.

When your arms get tired, and they might, enlist whoever you are quarantined with to give it a go.

Wrap tortilla around a rolling pin to get it into the pan.

It only take a couple of minutes per side. The tortilla starts to puff up and get little air pockets.

Done. These were chewy in the best way and had SO much more flavor than store bought ones. Totally worth the effort. Not that we had anywhere to be.

I’m so glad I doubled the amounts listed in the recipe because these were pretty time consuming to make. But there was so much to enjoy about the process, I just turned on a little music and kneaded and pressed and griddled and let the world melt away for an hour or so. It was therapy in the form of carbs. Delicious carbs.  

These are best fresh off the griddle (drizzled with honey) but keep for several days. I froze a bunch of ours too. I’ve been eating them for breakfast with jam and cottage cheese and making my new obsession...egg quesadillas. Check out the video of how to make them here. So simple. So good. The snack equivalent of a warm hug. Big hugs to you and yours. Stay healthy and safe! xo