Eve's Fourth Birthday

 It’s hard not to feel crushed by the state of the nation right now. I thought the news cycle would have to make room for something besides the Coronavirus eventually, but I didn’t expect it to be anything like this.  It feels heavy. For those of us that are parents, we have been asked to figure out how to homeschool our kids. Now they have pressing inquiries about race. And death. How do we protect them, inform them and help them through a period of time that is so scary for us? Tough stuff.  But, at the end of the day, this is what it means to be a parent. You are a teacher, and you are required to teach the lesson at hand, whatever that may be. 

 Like the parents around me, I have been forced to rise to the occasion. But today, I’m taking a break from teaching tough lessons and enjoying the simple pleasure of Eve’s 4th birthday. Let me tell you, I have never been so excited for a kid's birthday in my life.  Except, of course, for  each of my children’s “0” birthdays, when I was pregnant and simultaneously super excited to meet each of them and also to evict them from my body.  Today is our first quarantine kid’s birthday and it’s been so nice to have it to look forward to.  Eve’s birthday is already my favorite because she’s the only one of my children who was not born in the winter. I hate trying to figure out where to have winter birthday parties, worrying that after all of the planning and excitement leading up, snow will prevent people from coming. I love that a June birthday can (not right now, but usually) be celebrated at the park with friends, pizza and cake, which is just as fun, but not nearly as much work (or money) as most winter alternatives. 

Normally, planning a kid’s party along with all of the other stuff we have going on is sort of exhausting but right now, a birthday is a pleasant diversion from everything on the news, the endless cycle of work, homeschool, cook, clean, work and never being sure what day it is. Not having to plan the logistics of a party is a gift to me, and I deserve it. After all, I carried these babies, pushed them out into this world, stayed up all night with them (and still do sometimes) and have loved them to the max ever since they were each just a little ball of cells.  

We aren’t having an elaborate celebration this week but it feels like a birthday should. We’re celebrating four years of Eve, the funny, sweet happy baby who, unlike her siblings that all think they’re teenagers, remains a baby at heart. Who said to me just yesterday, “When I get as big as you, I’m going to drive the car like you, be a mom like you, and I’m going to sleep in your bed with you!” Haha. 

This little girl has brought me endless hours of joy, millions of hugs and kisses and all the smiles in the world over the last four years. She wants to be an ear doctor when she grows up because whenever she goes to the pediatrician with an ear infection, the doctor makes her feel better. She also wants to be a policeman but not a policeman because she is not going to be a man. So, she wants to be a policeman-woman. I’m sure she can be anything she wants to be. I’m looking forward to all of it. 

She wanted an Elsa cake, of course. We actually have an Elsa doll, but she gave herself an unfortunate quarantine haircut and was a bit too tall for this dress anyway. So we used our tried and true legless dollar store “cake doll”. She has truly taken one for the team and we love her dearly. I wanted this cake to taste amazing so I turned to King Arthur Flour for both the cake and the frosting.  The kids all love chocolate, especially Eve so I knew the cake had to be chocolate. I used this recipe for the cake and this recipe for the frosting. 

 The frosting is Italian buttercream. I favor it over American buttercream made with butter and powdered sugar because it pipes like a dream without being too sweet like American buttercream.  Italian buttercream is made with beaten egg whites that are cooked through by pouring a very hot sugar syrup into the beaten whites and allowing the mixture to partially cool before adding in cubes of butter. The cooked egg whites provide the frosting with its stability as opposed to the large quantities of powdered sugar that give American buttercream its structure. This end result is a frosting that is smooth and rich without being cloyingly sweet. It takes a little more time to make this type of frosting but it’s totally worth it. If you want to try it, check out this step-by-step tutorial which is super helpful.  Below are a few photos of the cake in process. Is it immature of me to find doll-cake-in-process photos funny? They never cease to crack me up.

“I can’t see! This is so tight! Why do I do this to myself?” I think we’ve all felt this way trying to squeeze into that special occasion dress at one time or another.

No piping my cake filling in neat little rows! I just slather it on there and press down a little. It all works out in the end.

Give it a quick crumb coat so that Elsa doesn’t end up with chocolate crumbs all over her dress.

When she gets too hot, and the frosting starts to soften up, just put her (and the piping bag) back in the fridge to firm up.

Ta-da! Yes, I let Eve help me apply the frosting and the snowflakes. She insisted. I think she did a great job. She was not very happy that Elsa’s dress was not completely blue. But I just couldn’t handle the thought of eating a blue cake! I guess the birthday girl does not always get her way around here.

 We are eating this cake later tonight but having already sampled its component parts, I know it’s going to be good!

Gratitude and Hamburger Buns

Hi. How are you holding up? Loving quarantine or hating it? Something in between? I love listening to what unusual and surprising things people enjoy about being forced to slow down, stay home and “social distance”. One of my friends, gainfully employed and not really looking for a new job, interviewed several times for an exciting new position, and got it! She starts in June and I am so, so happy for her. It’s nice to hear about good things happening for people right now, especially because we have been so inundated with bad news these last several weeks. Within the last two weeks both of our companies underwent massive layoffs. It was an incredibly stressful time, but both of us survived those cuts and still have our jobs, which feels like a miracle right now. Last week I felt sort of paralyzed, not sure what the future would look like. Would I be home with the kids? Or would I have a job? Would I be able to find another one if I was let go? Would it even make sense to look for one? 

It feels so strange to have your whole existence in limbo. Everything from not knowing when schools will reopen to whether or not we will have jobs, things we normally take for granted - suddenly completely out of our control.  Now, thankfully, we are able to look towards the future. And even though there is still so much uncertainty, it feels amazing to be able to make decisions, like whether or not to refinance our house, or to get some help at home with the kids now that we know we will both be working (harder than ever) for the foreseeable future. 

While the stress and uncertainty of the past few months, especially the last few weeks, has been difficult, what I am feeling most is gratitude. Yes, I’m relieved that we still have jobs. And grateful. I suppose that has led me to think about how lucky we are in other ways as well. I’m grateful for a financial safety net and for family and friends that we could count on to be there for us and help us in any way possible if the worst were to happen.  I cannot imagine what the last couple of weeks would have felt like if we had no idea how we would afford food or other essentials given a different outcome, and I know so many are in that exact situation right now. My heart goes out to them. 

I’m grateful that we have four kids close in age. Even though it's chaotic over here, they entertain each other and we’ve watched them grow ever closer in the last several weeks. Witnessing all of their individual relationships with one another blossom has been priceless. They still miss their teachers and friends at school, but I know it would be much more difficult for all of us if they didn’t have each other. 

I’m grateful for these tough days to remind me of what is really important and the people who are most important.  To make me see more clearly how we are all connected and that we are never alone. I’m grateful to be forced into stepping out of my busy life and to think about the big picture. 

If I’m being honest, I know that I’m grateful because focusing on my gratitude is easier and feels so much better than being angry, sad, or fearful. If I can still connect to my gratitude then I can look forward and move forward with optimism.  In the spirit of that optimism, I’m continuing to try new things in the kitchen. Now that better weather has finally arrived, and it’s Memorial Day weekend, we are grilling! 

Dough balls. Soon to be pillows of deliciousness. I have (can you tell?) never mastered making balls of dough that are actually smooth all the way around, but who cares?

There are only a few dinners that every single person in the family really likes. One of them is burgers. So today we made burger buns from one of my all time favorite recipe sources, King Arthur Flour (recipe here).  Oh yeah, and have I mentioned that I am grateful that all the time at home allows me to make bread? I love making bread, but the time it takes to let it rise, proof and rise again never works with my schedule.  Which is super-frustrating because nothing about it  is time consuming in terms of “hands on” time, yet all of the waiting periods in between next steps make it difficult to execute when you are running between work and schools and activities constantly. Now, as long as I have ten or fifteen minutes here and there, I can bake fresh bread anytime.

Dough before second rise.

Dough after second rise, brushed with butter (and topped with everything bagel seasoning and poppy seeds.)

Out of the oven. These were still really light in color, probably because I chose to brush them with butter instead of egg wash. Next time I would probably go with egg wash. The whole wheat ones browned more in the oven.

These buns have hundreds, close to a thousand, reviews on the King Arthur Flour website.  I love reading the reviews because there are so many from bakers at all levels of experience and there are many, many useful tips and questions answered. Based on the tips in them and on King Arthur Flour’s blog, I decided to make two batches of these. One with white bread flour, whole wheat bread flour, and all purpose flour at a 1:1:1 ratio, and one with all purpose flour and white bread flour at a 2:1 ratio.  As can be expected, the whole wheat version rose less but the finished product was still light and fluffy - shockingly so for a whole wheat bun - with a little bit more flavor than the white version. The white flour version rose a lot before hitting the oven and puffed up quite a bit while baking. The result was a tender, delicious bun, and eating one warm, slathered with butter - which is what I am doing right now - has me agreeing with all of the reviewers who came before me. These are fantastic. Perfect for a burger, sandwich, or by themselves, store bought buns cannot compare. Please make these. They are so worth it. 

Happy Memorial Day! Big virtual hugs to all of our service men and women who have selflessly dedicated their lives to ensuring that we remain safe, and free. Thank you for all that you do. 

It's a Donut Party

 Earlier this year I promised the kids that we would have all of their friends over for a donut decorating party. Things got busy and I kept postponing putting together a plan for it. Then we found ourselves quarantined. We have not had donuts for 9+ weeks.  What? Maybe it's not that crazy for some people, but under normal circumstances, we eat a lot of donuts so it’s pretty crazy for us.  When we go on vacation, we definitely hit up the local donut shop.  We have a few around the country that we make sure not to miss when we are in the area. There’s something so comforting about a freshly fried and glazed donut. Or the cinnamon and sugar ones you get at the apple orchard? Those are amazing. After 9 long weeks of donut deprivation, I finally caved and decided to make some for Paul’s birthday. Like most people, deep frying at home is not my favorite pastime.  I hate using so much oil in one go and, it just seems sort of unsafe to have a big pot of bubbling oil on the stove.  

But once in a while…even I will deep fry. And you know what? In this case, it wasn’t messy or scary at all. It was easy. Probably too easy, because now I’m thinking about fried chicken, fried pickles, and all kinds of other things I want to deep fry.  I can tell you right now, it was a LOT easier to make donuts than to make a birthday cake (and I did not endeavor to make both - #sorrynotsorry). And they were really good, despite my inexperience (if I do say so myself). Yay!!!

The birthday boy requested old fashioned donuts with maple glaze. The recipes are here and here. I made chocolate glaze too, because the kids always choose chocolate glazed, but we all liked the maple ones best. And truly, there is nothing like a super fresh donut. It was such a treat and somehow I felt less guilty eating them because they were not just donuts, but also “a project”. I love the feeling of trying something new and having it be a success, or just not a total failure. That works too. The downside of this donut success was that we were the only ones around to enjoy them. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it made me think about how much I miss gathering with family and friends, cooking for other people. 

The smell of the oil brought me straight back to my grandma’s kitchen in Japan.  And let me just say, she LOVED feeding others and NEVER shied away from frying. There are so many smells and tastes that bring her back to me.  Isn’t it amazing how smells and tastes carry with them such strong memories? How we remember exactly where we were and who we were with when we smell or taste something? There are also times when I taste something and my first thought is that my best friend or my brother or my dad would love this, and I need to remember to make it for them. That has definitely happened a few times since we’ve been quarantined. 

 So, while the kids are bummed that they didn’t get to have a donut party, they did get donuts. Finally. I wonder if the taste or smell of homemade donuts will always remind them of this crazy year when we weren’t able to go out or even have our family over for dinner like we usually do. What will they remember from this unprecedented time in history? Certainly the youngest two won’t remember a thing and maybe that’s for the best but I know that Emmett will and Isla might. I hope they remember eating donuts, having a lot of extra time with their siblings and parents and enjoying the lack of structure, even as they miss their friends, extended family and normal routines. I hope the smell of bubbling oil takes them back to somewhere they don’t mind going like it does me. 

Stay safe everyone and please continue to support your local small businesses. It means everything.